So Happy Halloween everyone, hopefully the hangover from the full weekend of debauchery has left you able to look at a computer screen without wincing, otherwise me writing this is kind of pointless. In a way, I had a deprived childhood. Or is that “depraved”? Probably a little of both. You see, Russia doesn’t do Halloween. There’re no pumpkins and no dressing up, and no drunken teenagers roaming around the street doing petty vandalism. Actually, never mind, that last one happens on certain days. We used to call them “weekdays”.
So I would be sitting there watching American cartoons with Halloween specials going “This whole idea is frickin awesome, and holy crap does it ever suck that we don’t get to do it.” By the time I immigrated here, I was already thirteen. A little too old for Halloween. And even if I wasn’t, by the time I really got used to the culture, then I was really old. So my fiancée and my friends share all these stories with me, and I am just sitting there in bitter rage, nomming on my Halloween candy that I bought for myself as some kind of reparation.
I did do a couple of things on Halloween night, not the least of which was sitting in a car in a sketchy neighbourhood while my friends went out and bought bootleg fireworks. They wouldn’t take me with them cause they said me being “whitey” would cost them a sweet discount. At some point during my wait, until which I was totally keeping my cool and chillin, the car was bombed with bottle rockets. Those were girly screams I hope I will never hear myself squeal again. Of course, I was grumpy the entire night, though I got a little bit of unintentional revenge when the very harmless small firework I lit misfired, and set my friend’s jacket on fire. Ah, to be sixteen and stupid again.
So I try to get in the Halloween spirit as much as I can. It’s kind of hard right now, living in a bachelor apartment in a closed building. No one comes to our door, and no one in our immediate neighbourhood decorates. But I do get to do these annual Halloween dressup comics. I am always soliciting ideas for what the characters should be next year. Otherwise it will end up being obscure Star Wars and Nintendo references. Also, eventually, I will totally be buying myself bitchin costumes. Somewhere out there, I bet someone has a General Grievous costume. I must have it, and I must have it yesterday.